Put on Your Patient Pants

Hello there! This is sort of a continuation of the last post I made. I had some further thoughts on how to live with the people in your life when it feels like it is hard to escape. This information applies to other situations than the quarantine by the way. We tend to start to feel this way in the winter in Iowa because the weather is prohibitive to getting out much. Sometimes, if you can remember back far enough to remember the “before” times, just in the course of living in the same house we woud get tired of each other. The pandemic has certainly put that idea on steroids. So here are my current thoughts on the topic.

Put on your patient pants. Sometimes, we have to be able to let things go. Everyone of us has annoying little tics or quirks or habits. If you are spending all your time with someone, you are able to scrutinize them in ways you may never have before. You gotta let that go. If you become hyperfocused on a bad habit or something that sets your teeth on edge, change something. Get up, go in the other room, put on headphones, turn up the TV, pet your animal, make a video call to someone, take a nap, employ all your distraction coping skills (count, make a list, pick out all the blue things you can see, go through your 5 senses). They are just being them. You are annoyed. You have to find a way to not be annoyed.

If we are talking about things like leaving messes all around the house, make peace with picking up. Or call a house meeting and divide up duties and come to an agreement on who is doing what. It may take a bunch of meetings to get things where it feels like everyone can be ok, but if you are communicating, you have a shot. Yelling. Complaining. These things are not going to get anyone to change. Communicate and plan. That is what can help. This particularly goes for those of you with teens in your home. It will take a bunch of meetings to get everyone on the same page. (And by the way, this can work for anyone, if you are going to ask someone to do something give them lead time. “In 20 minutes I’m going to ask you to …….” That allows people to prep themselves and change gears so they can focus on something besides what they are doing.

None of this is foolproof. We have all experienced exasperation with the people we live with during the last 11 months. Keep working at it. Remember, in a lot of cases, you love these people. Remind yourself why and keep going. We will get through this.

If you want to talk, please click the button on the top of the page to make an appointment.

Thanks for reading and take care,

AmyZ

This family of Zebras felt pretty representative. Many ages and generations represented, clearly some are not on speaking terms right now, on their way home to retreat to their separate spaces. Taken in March 2009 in Kruger National Park, South Africa