Compassion - it’s for all of us

Hi there. I have been thinking a lot about something I heard long ago. I can’t even tell you where I heard it or who said it. It resonated with me though. And I want to share it with you. We are seeing a lot of stuff out there encouraging people to be kind and compassionate. It seems like sometimes people struggle with that idea. Whether it is because they believe strongly in a thing or because they fundamentally don’t want to is not for me to say.

What we see over and over is that people place themselves in groups. Whether those groups are as complex as political divisions, racial lines, socio-economic means, generations or as simple as football team alignment or toilet paper roll orientation, people like to group themselves. I think there are lots of reasons for this. It serves as a survival tool. And is kind of a human trait. We have always separated ourselves into groups. Humans like sameness. We like to have people we identify as “ours” or as like us. The problem with that is that it can make anyone who is “other” a bad guy.

Getting back to my original statement, here is the thing that has stayed with me: No one is the villain in their own story. Nothing super profound, but when I find myself getting upset about something someone has said or done or feel slighted by someone, that one statement helps me bring myself back to center. It helps me look for rationale and to understand someone else’s story. People act and believe because they generally have a rationale that informs their actions and belief systems. Everyone has a story. And you CANNOT know what that story is simply by looking. This can be applied as locally as when you decide someone is mean because of the way they act in the check out line. What I would suggest is that maybe there is more to the story. Does that excuse poor behavior? No. Absolutely not. But it does build in a place to have compassion for someone when they are not at their best. (And please understand, I am speaking in terms of things and people you may encounter in your every day lives. I am not making excuses for things that are clearly or intentionally harmful. Nor am I condoning those things. I just want to spark some thought about how to find more compassion for others.)

People have so much trauma that they cover or they try to cope with. They have lived lives and seen things and experienced things. We are the sum of our experiences and this gives us our perspective on the world. It is through our experiences that we interpret the world. And this is universal. So when people are talking about kindness and compassion, I think that keeping this in mind is a way to help each of us give consideration to whatever “other” you might encounter.

And to just tie this all up with mental health, if you are able to understand someone’s motives or are willing to consider their circumstances, it can alleviate you of heavy, negative feelings that can go along with negative experiences such as anger, mistrust, alienation, or hate. And anything that gives us the ability to feel peaceful (or more at peace) is something that is improving our mental health. Being angry and holding hard feelings takes a lot of energy. And it rarely comes to a positive conclusion. Understanding on the other hand, can.

Thanks for reading & take care,

AmyZ

Kylo Ren circa 2017 (The early years?). Villain? Or misunderstood? Might depend on your perspective.